Once again, it was time for the Mayor of Gooberville to give his annual State of the Goobers address. Seeing it had not been a particularly good year, what with Gooberville leading the nation in foreclosures thanks to a building rampage the city was on the previous decade, the remaining Goobers who had not returned to the big city were curious what the Mayor might say.

The crowd was shocked when the Mayor entered on a wheel chair, his legs in heavy braces, a small dog in his lap, a set of pince-nez glasses on his nose and cigarette holder complete with cigarette in his mouth. He waved as his assistant wheeled him to the podium in front of the dais, instead of to his regular seat. He struggled to his feet to address the crowd, still murmuring, wondering what might be wrong with the Mayor.

“My fellow Goobers,” he intoned, “2008 is a year that will live in infamy. We are struggling, but what does not kill us will make us stronger. Allow me a few minutes to speak to you regarding the state of our fair city.”

The fire chief walked up to the podium and whispered in the Mayor’s ear a moment.

“My apologies,” the Mayor continued, “The Chief has correctly pointed out that smoking is prohibited.” He snuffed out the cigarette on the podium and continued. “I want to point out the great job the Fire Chief has done this year. As you know, our fair city has been beset by financial turmoil, resulting in a need to slash budgets and get creative in our thinking. The Fire Chief contributed greatly by finding creative solutions to funding firefighter salaries allowing the city to retain most of our brave men.”

Left unsaid was the creative solution, which was auctioning one of the two fire engines on e-bay at a loss and leasing the other one to the state. Unfortunately, even that latter solution had not gone well, as the state paid the city in warrants no bank would honor. The fire department now consisted of six full-time firefighters with a couple of pick-up trucks loaded with fire extinguishers.

“I want to thank the police chief for his efforts. He worked with our city manager to find a creative way to patrol our entire city, fund our police officers fully without losing a single one and continuing to clean up our community this year.” A murmur went through the crowd.

No one had actually seen the police chief since early last summer. There were rumors he was on disability. There were rumors he was on administrative leave. The only people to see him were his neighbors as he came and went, waving and saying nothing. The word around town was the city manager made all of the creative changes in the police department. Seeing the success in selling the fire truck, all of the patrol cars were auctioned off on e-bay. Officers driving two street sweepers, replacing two workers from the now-defunct city works department, currently patrolled the city. The estimated time of arrival to a crime or accident scene was now calculated by the proximity of the incident to where the officers were on their sweeping route. This was supplemented by the remaining officers on bicycles equipped with flashing blue lights. While officers were in amazing shape, traffic enforcement had dropped significantly. There was talk of upgrading to ten- or fifteen speed bicycles, provided things improved.

“I want to thank my fellow Council members. They have worked diligently with me to see us through in this time of crisis.” A giggle ran through the crowd. Two of the council members were not on speaking terms with the Mayor. One was rumored to vote only as his father told him, after consultation with the Mayor. The final one was a good ol’ boy who suffered from Tourette’s syndrome, blurting out whatever was on his mind at inappropriate times. Some suspected the voters reelected him repeatedly for the entertainment value.

The Mayor went on extolling the efforts of the city managers to cut costs and keep the city running at the same time. He explained how the remaining staff at City Hall took a ten percent cut in wages across the board, omitting the fifteen percent raise the managers had received prior to the ten percent cut. He extolled the virtues of the new plan for a more natural appearance in the open spaces of the city. He failed to mention the city closed its public works department and no one would be performing maintenance at the parks now, such as lawn mowing. The waste treatment plant and sewer maintenance would all be contracted out as needed.

“As my hero, Theodore Roosevelt, once said…” The Mayor intoned, "what..?” An aide whispered in his ear. “Oh, sorry, as, who?” The aide whispered again. “Right, as Franklin Roosevelt once said, ‘It’s fun to be in the same decade as you.’”

With that, Fala saluted with his rear leg raised.